Nobody said this journey was easy...

Assalamualaikum wbt

I'd firstly like to say thank you very much to a lot of my concerned friends out there who have been eager to know the result of my PET Scan done on the 5th July 2009. The scan went well, alhamdulillah, although the technician initially struggled to put a cannula into my vein (which is understandable, semua my veins pun dah merajuk sebab dah 6 bulan kena torture kot!).

My CT scan back in March was promising but unfortunately it wasn't the case this time around. I've been told by my Consultant that the PET scan showed some hot spots in the mediastinum, lungs and left side of my neck.



Senang cerita, mediastinum ni region antara the two lungs, ie bahagian tengah.


Now let me try and simplify how a PET scan works. With a PET scan you first have an injection of a very small amount of a radioactive version of glucose. The radioactive glucose travels to places in your body where glucose is used for energy. Since cancer cells are more active and take up more glucose than normal cells do, they become intensely bright on the scan and this is where the term “hot spot” comes from.

A handy information about PET Scan for those interested.

The tricky bit about hot spots are that they can also be caused by things other than cancer, for instance infections like viral illness or Tuberculosis. Although my consultant feels that the hot spots found in my scan are quite likely active cancer cells, he doesn't want to jump immediately into second-line treatment (stronger chemotherapy and possibly bone marrow transplant) due to their long-term effects.

We therefore felt that a wait-and-see policy is probably the best approach at the moment. My consultant has also decided to arrange for another CT scan tomorrow morning which should hopefully be a helpful adjunct on top of the PET scan findings. Insya Allah.

Since management of my condition will take at least months of close monitoring, I have been recommended to remain in the country. Which has certainly thrown my Plan A into a bit of an uncertainty. [Plan A = To return home and start work in possibly Serdang/Putrajaya Hospital]. These last few days have been spent sorting out my FY1 (Foundation Year 1) job in Royal Preston Hospital, as I am due to report for my induction next Monday (ie 20th July 2009).

I must admit there are so many uncertainties running through my mind at the moment.

Not being sure how things might pan out in the future in regards to my condition.

If I do start working as a doctor in UK, how will it be affected if I am to have further treatment for my condition?

If my sponsor does insist on me returning home, will I be sure that there will be no glitch in transferring the management of my condition to the Malaysian hospitals? How will the treatment and healthcare be like back home?

Indeed, no one said this journey was gonna be easy.

Tapi kita kan ada Allah. Ya 'Azim. Ya Rahman. Ya Rahim.

There is nothing easy except what You make easy. And You make the difficult easy if it be Your will.

p/s: In myself, I couldn't have asked for more alhamdulillah. Feeling good, fitness gradually picking up, my hair looking long enough to even consider visiting the barber! =)

Sesi Penghargaan

Assalamualaikum wbt

5 weeks ago, on this day, I had my 12th and last chemotherapy. It might have been quite a while now, but the whole experience of battling against the drugs is still vividly clear in my head, as if it has only happened yesterday.

Alhamdulillah, I am gradually picking up my level of fitness as days go by, thanks to the easily accessible swimming pool and gymnasium in my university. Contrary to my initial perception that people undergoing chemotherapy usually loses weight, I have actually gained almost 7kg over the past 6 months (dun wori, takdelah nampak bulat sangat =)

It's not that this weight gain is bothering me, rather it makes me feel blessed. Blessed that during the 6-months time when I was having my treatment, the people of Sheffield has played their part in helping out.

Today, as I was perusing through my inbox , I saw this email, sent about 4 months ago which reminds me just how thoughtful Malaysians in Sheffield are.

_______________________________________________________________________


Assalamualaikum & salam sejahtera kawan-kawan,:D

Sebagaimana yang telah kita tahu,kini saudara Mas Afzal sedang menjalani rawatan chemotheraphy dan amat memerlukan sokongan kita.

Jadi,beberapa minggu lepas, saya telah menghantar email secara personal kepada beberapa orang ahli smsa di kawasan Broomhall menanyakan kesudian mereka memasak dan menghantar makanan kepadauntuk saudara Mas Afzal.

Di bawah saya sertakan jadual giliran memasak pada mereka yang telah membalas email saya

HARI - RUMAH

ISNIN - 10 HOLBERRY (ROY )

SELASA - 27 HAVELOCK (SOFIAH)

RABU - 82B BRUNSWICK (SHAHNOM)

KHAMIS - 5 FILEY (KAK ELI)

JUMAAT - ABG ZAKARIA

SABTU - ABG SAFUAN


______________________________________________________________________

Not forgetting my dearest housemates especially Mr Chef Khairuddin aka M, and my neighbor Kak Lida for always dropping by to offer some of the foods that she had cook.

To all these people above, and their fellow housemates, I only have Allah to thank each and every one of you. May Allah allow all of you the opportunity to enjoy the reward of your deeds in Khurfat-ul-Jannah, the fruit garden of heaven, as has been mentioned by the Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) for the people who visit and look after the sick.

This Monday at 1030am, I am due to be in Northern General Hospital for my next PET Scan. I'm assuming that the options possible once the result is up will either be :

i) Declared cancer-free and thus only occasional follow-ups in the clinic
ii) Further chemotherapy/ consider radiotherapy if localized

Insya Allah, whatever the outcome will be, I will need to tell myself that it is part of Allah's plannings for His servants and put my sheer reliance (tawakkal) on it.

Before I conclude, I'd just like to share with you a beautiful hadeeth that was forwarded to me from a very special friend of mine.

The magnitude of otherworldly reward is proportionate to the magnitude of worldly tribulation. When God loves a people, He tries them. Whoever is content will have divine pleasure. Whoever is displeased will have divine wrath. [ At-Tirmidzi]

SubhanAllah.

Home Sweet Home

Assalamualaikum wbt

Alhamdulillah, by the will of Allah, I was finally reunited with my lovely family on the 11th June 2009. To be able to see the faces whom I know had been praying earnestly especially for the last 6 months for my safe return and good health.



Us with Wan Ipoh (if only Jep could be here too..)


By the time I set foot in Malaysia, I was already looking forward to seeing everyone else in Bentong. They have made their way to Aki's house earlier to prepare for Pakcik's wedding on Saturday. After 5 years missing out on family gatherings, I know that I had to play my part now.

Seeing Paktam and the rest of the family in Bentong was a profoundly emotional moment. I knew these people were just as anxious as Mama and Papa to see me again after everything that has happened. As I entered into Aki's house, I was surprised to see that they had taken the hassle to celebrate my homecoming with a nice, creative little banner.



Nice isn't it? =)


My main role for Pakcik's wedding is to be his bestman, a role I'm obviously not used to and was therefore a challenge I relish taking. Well, I guess I didn't do that bad really, Pakcik and Kak Chik were happy and that's all that matters to me. =)



Menjalankan Ops Memasang Sepanduk malam sebelum kenduri (this was around 1230am)



Berposing sambil menanti ketibaan pengantin =)



Menumpang populariti pengantin =)



Pelamin pengantin



Alhamdulillah, about 700++ people atttended the ceremony


A lot of people have been saying that I look well despite my condition and all the treatments I have undergone, alhamdulillah. It does feel a bit strange that I no longer have to follow my every 2-weeks routine of chemotherapy, and I do feel much stronger nowadays. My hairs are also starting to grow longer now as they are no longer affected by the chemotherapy drugs. =)

The only thing I need to work on now is my level of fitness, which has definitely gone down so much over the past 6 months. I remembered trying to go for a jog just a day before I left UK for Malaysia, only having to stop after just 10 minutes feeling breathless and lightheaded. It is frustrating, but I know that there's no point pushing myself too much only to cause further harm to my heart. I just have to take it one step at a time.

A few days ago, Helen Beadle (the Specialist Nurse) left me a voice message all the way from Sheffield to remind me of the management plan post-chemotherapy. In 4 weeks time, I'll be having what is hopefully my last ever PET scan to assess how well has my body responded to the treatment given. The CT scan result in April was promising and I pray to Allah that it will be even better come this end of July, biiznillah.



PET-CT Scan


As I am reacquainted with long lost friends in Malaysia, I was so surprised to find out how news about myself has spread so fast beyond my expectation. Try as I might to keep things as secret, I know it was just a matter of time before everyone found out. Alhamdulillah, at least I know how blessed I am to have a lot of concerned friends whom endlessly gave their support and prayers. And for that, I can not thank Allah enough for His Mercy.

SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. Allahuakbar.

Sri Petaling,
Kuala Lumpur.

You've made it Pakcik!

Assalamualaikum wbt


وَمِنْ ءايَـتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَجاً لِّتَسْكُنُواْ إِلَيْهَا

وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِى ذَلِكَ لأَيَـتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His signs is this that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [30:21]

Allah tells us between the verses of 20 to 25 in this beautiful chapter of Surah Ar-Rum some of the amazing signs which speak of His might and power. Out of Allah's perfect mercy, He has created women to complement men and create such a wonderful harmony between the two that each is a perfect counterpart of the other.

Last weekend marked another significant and emotional event for my family. Azmir bin Hj Mohamed Salleh, fondly known among us as Pakcik, has finally tied the knot with the love of his life, Sharifah Nor Asilah bt Syed Basir.

I personally find this occasion emotional as I am instantly reminded of a person who wasn't there during the weekend but is surely in the thoughts of Pakcik, and all of us.

That person is Arwah Wan.



Arwah Wan must be so proud and happy for Pakcik now that he has finally met his partner in life. May Allah reward arwah Wan with Jannah, biiznillah.

To Pakcik, congratulations, and the Sunnah for wishing every recently married couple is :

بَارَكَ اللهُ لَكَ وَبَارَكَ عَلَيْكَ وَجَمَعَ بَيْنَكُمَا فِي خَيْرٍ

May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good (works). [Sunan Abu Daud, no.2130]

Wassalam

p/s: I'll be joining the celebration soon, insya Allah. Not too looking forward with the idea of being the best man though. Kena jadi jugak lagi ke? =(

Finally there!

Assalamualaikum wbt

It has been another grueling week post-chemotherapy. Yet again, I got a KO against Mr Chemo, but at least I had mom to be by my side throughout the battle. She was there when the fight began, so she wasn't gonna miss the finale.



Video courtesy of Mom.

I must admit it is frightening having experienced the sheer amount of side effects this therapy has given to me, and I pray to Allah that I will never have to go through such trial again. Nauzubillah.

But at the same time, I believe that there is always a hikmah behind everything Allah has destined for us, even though at times we struggle to realize the hikmah behind things that afflict us.


We will surely put you to trial by involving you in fear and hunger and by causing loss of property, life and earnings. And give good tidings to those who remain steadfast in these trials: when a misfortune comes to them, they say, "We are Allah's and we shall certainly return to Him,' Their Lord will bestow great blessings and mercy upon them; such are the people who are rightly guided. [Al Baqarah:155-157]


Allah will give the one who perseveres in this kind of fortitude to taste the sweetness of surrender and find rest in the serenity of contentment (redha). Cantik bukan?

I need to get some more rest. Baru sekejap je bangun, tapi dah penat balik.

Wassalam