Am I ready???

"As-alul laahal azeem Rabbal arshil azeem An yashfiyak..."
I beg Allah the Almighty, the Owner of the Majestic Throne, that He should cure you.


"Antash shaafie. Laa shifaa-a illaa shifaa-uk. Shifaa-al laa yughaadiru saqamaa."
You are the only One who cures. There is no cure but Yours. Grant such (complete) cure that leaves no trace of illness.

That was roughly some part of the du'a I could remember from the one recited by the Imam on me after our Friday prayers today. He saw me sitting at a spot within the main prayer hall, walked towards me to greet me, sat down and instantly recited a du'a for me. He knew all along about the news regarding my condition and it had certainly brought a smile to his face to see me again after I've been missing for 3 weeks from the masjid.

Yup. Alhamdulillah, I've finally made my way again to the Muslim Welfare House of Sheffield today after what I personally regard as a long time away from my second home. Due to treatment and its recovery period, I've not visited the masjid for almost 3 weeks and I can only thank Allah for allowing me to garner enough energy to make the walk up the hill today.


The ESHAP chemotherapy is certainly a different opposition altogether compared to the previous ABVD treatment. It certainly affects me stronger than the latter, almost to points where I must admit that sometimes I almost lost the plot.

But let's not talk about how I felt those last few days. Let them be buried as past. I certainly have more daunting things to expect not long from now.

Since Wednesday and for the next 3 days, I have been injecting myself with Granulocyte colony-stimulating factor (G-CSF). The G-CSF, in plain term, is meant to boost my bone marrow to produce more stem cells, that will then circulate through my blood and be collected later this Monday as a preparation for my high dose chemotherapy. Those extra keen to know reasons for harvesting the stem cells prior to my high dose chemotherapy can refer to my previous entry entitled "Here we go again...".

Harvesting the stem cells are just part of the several tests I need to undergo prior to the commencement of the high dose chemotherapy. I've had an Echochardiogram done 2 days ago to assess the function of my heart and whether it has been affected by previous treatments. I am also scheduled to have a Respiratory Function Test to assess my lungs, a dental check-up to rule out possibilities of catching infections from any dental problems and a CT scan to evaluate the progress of my disease.





Plenty of things happening soon huh? Well, that is part and parcel of medical plannings when expecting something they regard as a 'critical and crucial period'.

To make sure that they have made all the preparations necessary.

As for myself, have I prepared myself enough? And I don't mean just physical wise for this upcoming heavyweight battle, but spiritually. Am I ready to expect what might come out of all of this?


SubhanAllah.


As people say, you can never understand something until you experience it yourself. When I was a medical student, trying to understand the emotions running through a person's mind prior to his/her life-or-death operation is a difficult thing to grapple with. But now, as I draw closer to my high dose chemotherapy, that emotion is all clear in me. It's a feeling you don't wish people to have, believe me.

Be strong, o heart.