These are the winds beneath my wings.
Children who continue to live with parents, after they are married, be it their own or their in-laws, is a normal phenomenon amongst Asian families in general and Malaysian families in particular. I am one such person whose children are still the Wind Beneath My Wings.............
To me, it does not matter if my children decide to not fly the coop, even after they are married. I welcome them with open arms. Everyday comings and goings can bring about a lot of challenges with so many levels of generation living together. A simple matter of deciding what to have for meals can turn into a battle of words and end up with flare-up of tempers. Waking up to a kitchen full of unwashed dishes, when you distinctly remember leaving the kitchen spotless the night before, is another challenging scenario. But these are the least of my concern.
My real worry is how to make them feel at home without taking away their opportunity to be independent. Often, children (of all ages) tend to hide their real feelings and pretend all is well for the sake of maintaining harmony in the household. After all, they are living in a house that's not theirs and to top it all, mom and dad are paying for all subsistance bills ( though this does not bother me or my husband at all ).
However, I do believe that everyone on this earth should honor their roles and responsibilities. As a parent, it is their duty to protect, educate and guide their children. Carrying out that duty does not stop when their children grow up, are working or get married. Parents, however, should be wise enough to balance between encouraging their children to flourish as an adult by letting them make decisions and allowing them to be themselves, giving them their space and their time-outs. I do not worry too much about whether my children are going to grow up and "pay" me back for what I have done for them. Personally, I think that is a very selfish hope. If I have done my part in providing the neccessary basis for churning out sound human beings then that is payment enough.
What is more disturbing is whether, by keeping "the Wind Beneath my Wings", I am denying my children the opportunity to learn to live their lives as their own family entity. They are deprived of the real challenge of making their own decisions without me clouding their judgement or influencing their choices. How can they learn if they do not make mistakes? But then I am a firm believer in Allah's beautiful plannings. There must be a reason for me to be granted the pleasure of having all my children around me even as I am planning my retirement ( well, in 4 years! ). When I compare other parents who long for visits from their children who live away from home, I consider myself blessed, for I get to be with them 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.
It is my greatest pleasure to have all my children stay with me till forever, but I would also like to remind my children that papa and me will not be around forever and as such all of you need to be prepared to make all decisions on your own, one day...................Mama Afzal
P/S: I would have loved to experience being taken care of by Afzal, had Allah not decided He loved him
more. He would be the one giving me advices, in his signature gentle but firm voice.