Assalamualaikum wbt and Hi everyone.
Alhamdulillah (All praise be to Allah), after 23 long days in the hospital, I'd finally come through my ultimate battle, though I wouldn't say unscathed. The whole experience was definitely one that I'll remember for the rest of my life, but if I'm being honest, it was one that I pray to Allah will never happen again in my life, ever.
It was a battle so daunting that I'm lost for words to describe it, testing me right till the very end. It was a battle of mind; the ability to keep on telling myself that I'll get through this predicament even though my body has raised the white flag. This treatment, in short, had certainly liven up to its name and reputation.
How can I forget the right hip pain that kept flaring up during the first week of my stay in the hospital, that I felt so helpless and could only wait for the pain to ease away whilst constantly praying to Allah for strength and patience?
Or even the allergic reaction I suffered from one of the chemotherapy drug that was given on the 2nd day of my stay in the hospital? My face was swollen, and I had difficulty breathing that the doctors had to intervene with anti-allergic medications and steroids.
I certainly wouldn't forget that one Friday when I had an infection so bad that I'd gone into a septic shock. My blood pressure was very low, my pulses were racing and my temperature was high that the doctors at one point considered transferring me to the High Dependency Unit (HDU) for close monitoring.
Not forgetting days and days of sheer tiredness and inability to do literally anything but sleep.
Or the mucositis I so dreaded, putting me off my food, causing me to lose 5 kilograms within just 4 days. The soreness was really bad, I was kept to just soup for almost a week and a half. The period in the hospital where I lost my appetite and was not able to tolerate solids was without a doubt one that I will remember for the rest of my life, as I've never felt so low and depressed.
To cap it all, not having any of your family members around to seek strength and support from. That was really difficult. Shaytan kept coming, creating bad thoughts in my mind on why my family members are not around when I really need them. Nauzubillah min zalik! [May Allah protect us from that (in case of harm)]
One must wonder after all my rantings, how did I actually remained sane for those 23 days?
وَللَّهِ الأَسْمَآءُ الْحُسْنَى فَادْعُوهُ بِهَا
And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allah, so call on Him by them...[Al-A’raf:180]
Allah is Most Gracious, Most Merciful. He never inflicts upon His servant a test he or she can't bear. Although it seemed my 23 days in the hospital were the worst one could ever imagine, I was never alone in the battle.
It was during those 23 days that Allah endowed upon me His nusrah (assistance), one that I'll share in my next entry...
To be continued.