Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Is the battle over?

Assalamualaikum wbt and Hi everyone.

Alhamdulillah (All praise be to Allah), after 23 long days in the hospital, I'd finally come through my ultimate battle, though I wouldn't say unscathed. The whole experience was definitely one that I'll remember for the rest of my life, but if I'm being honest, it was one that I pray to Allah will never happen again in my life, ever.

It was a battle so daunting that I'm lost for words to describe it, testing me right till the very end. It was a battle of mind; the ability to keep on telling myself that I'll get through this predicament even though my body has raised the white flag. This treatment, in short, had certainly liven up to its name and reputation.


How can I forget the right hip pain that kept flaring up during the first week of my stay in the hospital, that I felt so helpless and could only wait for the pain to ease away whilst constantly praying to Allah for strength and patience?


Or even the allergic reaction I suffered from one of the chemotherapy drug that was given on the 2nd day of my stay in the hospital? My face was swollen, and I had difficulty breathing that the doctors had to intervene with anti-allergic medications and steroids.


I certainly wouldn't forget that one Friday when I had an infection so bad that I'd gone into a septic shock. My blood pressure was very low, my pulses were racing and my temperature was high that the doctors at one point considered transferring me to the High Dependency Unit (HDU) for close monitoring.





Not forgetting days and days of sheer tiredness and inability to do literally anything but sleep.



Or the mucositis I so dreaded, putting me off my food, causing me to lose 5 kilograms within just 4 days. The soreness was really bad, I was kept to just soup for almost a week and a half. The period in the hospital where I lost my appetite and was not able to tolerate solids was without a doubt one that I will remember for the rest of my life, as I've never felt so low and depressed.



To cap it all, not having any of your family members around to seek strength and support from. That was really difficult. Shaytan kept coming, creating bad thoughts in my mind on why my family members are not around when I really need them. Nauzubillah min zalik! [May Allah protect us from that (in case of harm)]

One must wonder after all my rantings, how did I actually remained sane for those 23 days?


وَللَّهِ الأَسْمَآءُ الْحُسْنَى فَادْعُوهُ بِهَا

And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allah, so call on Him by them...[Al-A’raf:180]

Allah is Most Gracious, Most Merciful. He never inflicts upon His servant a test he or she can't bear. Although it seemed my 23 days in the hospital were the worst one could ever imagine, I was never alone in the battle.

It was during those 23 days that Allah endowed upon me His nusrah (assistance), one that I'll share in my next entry...





To be continued.

11 comments:

NAJIAHTUL SYAFIQAH ISMAIL said...

Alhamdulillah...hope you will be fine soon...

joegrimjow said...

feeling well bro!

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum wbth my dearest son,

Like I told your silings just two nights ago, eventhough I know you will be strong enough to persevere n ur friends, pak tam n very soon papa n aiysha will be there to take care of you for a bit, my heart still feels sad and cries everyday because I cannot be there, by your side in your times of need.

Alas, Allah is testing me n papa to the limits too. I often wonder how I manage to go through my daily routine n not suffer a breakdown. Like you, I put all my trust in Allah. He never fails to deliver.

I am always with you in spirit n the day will come when you get to reap the reward of all your sufferings..insyaAllah.

I love you and pray all blessings come your way for always..mama

JeP said...

Welcome back to the world, chemoboy! :D

I wouldn't even attempt to fathom how the past month has been for you. Clearly none of our ordeals in the past measure even the slightest to yours, but I am thankful that in spite of it - God has bestowed a better conscious and perseverance onto yourself rather than us. For what it's worth, whatever His plans be - he has indeed picked His best among us.

What you have endured, is an inspiration not only to us but for others still battling theirs. Without a shadow of a doubt, I believe you penning down your experience here will benefit many others out there. Kudos to you.

In my prayers, I thank God for keeping you strong, and I ask in Him to give you the strength to endure further for the speediest of recoveries - so that you can enjoy life and start your own, as it was meant for you. InsyaAllah, rezeki ada kita berjumpa semula.

But until then, let Aiysha and Papa ease (a little) our kerinduan for the time being.

Take care bos, and keep us updated.

Super HaNa said...

watashi doakan makin kuat and sihat dari semalamm okkkk???

green said...

get well soon, n good to read this post.At least we know u ok..

Mohd Shahnom Ismail said...

Salam wbt

Ujian ini sangat getir, semoga sheikh Mas Afzal mampu mengharunginya dengan tabah

Syaitan akan terus berbisik, nafsu akan terus meronta mahu dibebas, ...

Bersabarlah

Syafakallah

rhapsody LiN said...

salam... bro, lin doakan semoga bro sihat and cepat sembuh ye...

atiq said...

ya akhi, strengthen your determination, keep believing that someday Allah will grant you the most preeminent things for your future InsyaAllah. Remember akhi, you are not alone. Allah will be there for you. Yakinlah. Yes, percakapan rasa lebih mudah daripada kita merasakan. Kagum dapat melihat orang yg teguh sprt bro Mas Afzal..SubhanAllah, Berjuanglah wahai saudaraku...

~niesa~ said...

get well soon saudara mas afzal...Allah sentiasa bersama saudara...

Mas Afzal said...

Salaam everyone,

I might not know all of you but I profoundly appreciate all of your support and prayers. Only Allah can reward each and everyone of you. Thank you so much!