Ayra.....Afzal's Very Own Niece

I know many relatives and friends my age who are blessed with not one, but many beautiful grandchildren. I have always wondered how my grandchild would be like and how it would feel to hold one in my arms. Last May 21st, 2012, Allah answered my prayers and granted us Nur Ain Umairah binti Mas Jaffri or Ayra, as we fondly call her.......a bubbly, adorable but cautious baby girl - my very own grand-daughter...Afzal's very own niece!

There were many occasions when we all felt that if Afzal had been around, it would have been so convenient to seek his advice on issues relating to Ayra. Times when she cried so much that we wondered if it was colic or spiritual interference. Times when we were not sure if we should start on something on such a young baby or wait till she gets older. During these times, I got to thinking, why I could not be the one giving those advises considering I have 5 children of my own! Well, when it comes to your very own grandchild, nothing suffice other than the best and Afzal would have given us the best advice.........

Today, Afzal would have turned 28. Happy birthday my dear son. As I reminisce on events that unfolded after Afzal was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma in December 2008, I realised just how great Allah's blessings had been on me and my family. I may no longer have the opportunity to enjoy my son but He gave me every opportunity to prepare for that loss gracefully - I was able to travel to UK 4 times to take care of Afzal. I even succeeded in bringing my whole family to UK (never in my wildest dream would I thought that be possible considering how much it would cost!) and Afzal came back and passed on in Malaysia, among his family -  He gave me every opportunity to amass an abundance of memories with Afzal that I otherwise would not have thought of doing - Afzal was always well enough to follow me around on my out-station trips, sharing my work and passion. Those nights we spent in hotel rooms, performing our solat together, helping him cope with pains at night, having meals and conversations together, driving long distances together, now forms a favourite chapter in my heart, that I can relive each time missing him became too much to bear.

I feel that I make too many assumptions in life. I assume tomorrow will come so I can wait and tell my sons, daughters and husband that I love them tomorrow. I assume this weekend will come and I can visit my ailing father then. I assume that I can wait till later to finish up that work my boss gave me because the deadline is not up yet. But what if my time is up before tomorrow, then I would leave so many loose ends, sorrows and unsatisfaction behind. I pray that Allah gives me the strength to not put till tomorrow what I can do today, just like Afzal would have done......Al-Fatihah.......Mama.