Sunday, 11 May 2014

The Wind Beneath My Wings

These are the winds beneath my wings.

 Children who continue to live with parents, after they are married, be it their own or their in-laws, is a normal phenomenon amongst Asian families in general and Malaysian families in particular. I am one such person whose children are still the Wind Beneath My Wings.............

 To me, it does not matter if my children decide to not fly the coop, even after they are married. I welcome them with open arms. Everyday comings and goings can bring about a lot of challenges with so many levels of generation living together. A simple matter of deciding what to have for meals can turn into a battle of words and end up with flare-up of tempers. Waking up to a kitchen full of unwashed dishes, when you distinctly remember leaving the kitchen spotless the night before, is another challenging scenario. But these are the least of my concern.

 My real worry is how to make them feel at home without taking away their opportunity to be independent. Often, children (of all ages) tend to hide their real feelings and pretend all is well for the sake of maintaining harmony in the household. After all, they are living in a house that's not theirs and to top it all, mom and dad are paying for all subsistance bills ( though this does not bother me or my husband at all ).

 However, I do believe that everyone on this earth should honor their roles and responsibilities. As a parent, it is their duty to protect, educate and guide their children. Carrying out that duty does not stop when their children grow up, are working or get married. Parents, however, should be wise enough to balance between encouraging their children to flourish as an adult by letting them make decisions and allowing them to be themselves, giving them their space and their time-outs. I do not worry too much about whether my children are going to grow up and "pay" me back for what I have done for them. Personally, I think that is a very selfish hope. If I have done my part in providing the neccessary basis for churning out sound human beings then that is payment enough.   

 What is more disturbing is whether, by keeping "the Wind Beneath my Wings", I am denying my children the opportunity to learn to live their lives as their own family entity. They are deprived of the real challenge of making their own decisions without me clouding their judgement or influencing their choices. How can they learn if they do not make mistakes? But then I am a firm believer in Allah's beautiful plannings. There must be a reason for me to be granted the pleasure of having all my children around me even as I am planning my retirement ( well, in 4 years! ). When I compare other parents who long for visits from their children who live away from home, I consider myself blessed, for I get to be with them 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

 It is my greatest pleasure to have all my children stay with me till forever, but I would also like to remind my children that papa and me will not be around forever and as such all of you need to be prepared to make all decisions on your own, one day...................Mama Afzal

P/S:  I would have loved to experience being taken care of by Afzal, had Allah not decided He loved him  
        more. He would be the one giving me advices, in his signature gentle but firm voice. 

12 comments:

Wan Nadiah said...

Salam, Mama Afzal
Well said. my sentiments, exactly. Barakallahufikum. nadiah

Zawir Amin said...


salam mama afzal. That's what exactly my parents wanted us (siblings) to do. Living with them. for sometimes, I hate the fact that I have a contradict idea to your post of having the Wind Beneath my Wings, however after reading your article, somehow, it feels like, hey, why not...but it's just that, the idea of getting the opportunity of having my own life as my own family entity without leaving or forgetting or keeping distance with them is what I have in my mind. After all, it's our duty as their children to take care of them during good times as well as during hard times right. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Allah’s blessing will depend on the parents’ blessing and Allah’s wrath will depend on the wrath of both parents.” (Narrated by al-Hakim)

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum Zawir Amir,

I am all for children living their own lives. That should be the way. Your parents have done their part in bringing you up. It is now your turn to prove to them that they have done well. But parents will always be selfish as far as their family is concerned. We would always want our family to be close by, if we could have our way. I pray that Allah bless you and your family.

BaitiBadarudin said...

As salam,
It is more efficient to live on different levels in a single building like the Arabs or different units in the same compound as we used to in the kampungs.
The most important factor is respect for others' time, space and energy.
Wallahu'alam

Anonymous said...

Salam auntie n keluarga arwah mas afzal... saya mengucapkan salam takziah.. sorry saya baru tau pemergian kawan karib saya ne.. moga dia di tempatkan di tempat org2 yg beriman.. amin44x
Drp: mohd shasiman (shasi)
Rakan bowling n rugby dia dahulu...

Anonymous said...

Waalaikum salam w.b.t.h Shasi,

Sukan memang hobi kegemaran Afzal. Bowling dan rugby antara kegemaran yang banyak mengisi masa lapang Afzal sewaktu zaman persekolahan. Semoga kenangan Shasi bersama Afzal disimpan rapi di sanubari.....Salam sejahtera dari auntie.

syahir abu sahmah said...

inshaAllah aunty,,semoga beliau menjadi kegembiraan aunty sekeluarga both di dunia juga akhirat.. stay strong and semoga dipermudahkan urusan baik di harimu, juga dihatimu..

syahir..

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