Time To Say Goodbye

A lot of people have been asking around in regards to my previous post. It touches my heart to witness the concern of the people around me, and the sacrifices they are willing to make. If there is one thing I have really learnt in life, it is the beauty of friendship, one that transcends any differences, be it your skin colour or creed.

I have tried to keep it low ever since the news came out, but I knew eventually I can't keep it to myself for too long. Solely because I believe that there are so many people out there, be it openly or silently, who have been praying and supporting me throughout my battle since December 2008. People who deserve to know my story, through its thick and thin.

My life is indeed, not a primrose path.

After successfully completing my high dose chemotherapy and autologous transplant back in November, I had a scan and a neck biopsy to monitor my progress from treatment. The results of my scan and biopsy came out last week, and it was obviously not what I'd hoped for.

My cancer has relapsed, yet again. And it is still the same type of cancer, ie Hodgkin's lymphoma. Not only was it found on my neck, the cancer is also detected at the liver and my pelvic bone, suggesting the aggressive nature of the disease. The prognosis, is really not good.

My doctor felt that the cancer is almost non responsive to the chemotherapy and transplant. He believes that we are reaching a dead end in terms of further curative treatment options.

Having consulted my parents and close relatives, I have therefore decided that it's best that I return home to Malaysia, for good. To seek for a fresh breath of air, a new environment. To seek for that tiny ray of hope, wherever it might be.

Believing that at least, whatever the outcome of this battle might be, I will be next to my family, my loved ones, the people I want to be with.

It is indeed time to bid farewell to this long but rewarding 6 years journey in the land of the UK. On Sunday the 31st January 2010, I'll be leaving the country for probably the last time ever.

When people asked me how am I taking the news, I'd be a complete liar to claim that I am unperturbed. Natural it is for a mere mortal, blessed with heart and emotions to feel sad with such a difficult predicament. What I currently feel inside can probably be best described by what was said by our Beloved Prophet on the day he mourned for the loss of his son, Ibrahim;

The Eyes Tear,
The Heart is in Pain,
But (with my tongue) I will only say that which is pleasing to Allah.

O Allah, to you I leave all matters.