Alhamdulillah, by the will of Allah, I’ve safely arrived in Malaysia on the 1st of February 2010 at 630pm. As I exited the arrival hall, I was warmly received by my family, one I’ve been longing to see after such a while. It’s a feeling of joy and sheer relief to finally be reacquainted with my mom and my family members after what has transpired recently. But deep in my heart, I could not hid the fact that I’m already sorely missing ‘something’ across the continent. Reminding myself of the people who have taught me the true meaning of friendship, the people whom support and prayers had touched me a lot, the people who had brought tears to my eyes.
The people I called my ‘big family’.
Saying goodbye to my big family I
Saying goodbye to my big family II
Ever since I made the decision to return to Malaysia for good, my remaining days in UK were spent entertaining the visits made by the people whom I had been privileged to come to know in my life. A late decision it was, as I only told the people around me less than a week before my date of departure. But that certainly did not prevent these lovely people from sacrificing their time and money just to show their unwavering support. The concern they had shown, has taught me an important lesson; nothing in this world is more priceless than showing your love to the people you care in whatever means possible.
As I sat alone in the plane heading back to Kuala Lumpur, I could not help but cry. People who knew me well would certainly testify that I am not the most sensitive of a person and that I don’t openly show my emotions to others. I could even recall the few moments in my life in the UK when I cried; one of those included the time when I had to break my diagnosis back in December 2008 to my mom over the phone. To hear my mom crying was harder to me than hearing the diagnosis from the doctor itself. I have always managed to remain strong throughout my battle with the disease, but nothing shatters my heart more than to see or hear my mom cried over my news.
I remembered when my doctor told me that they could no longer suggest a curable option to my disease, I wasn’t too worried with how bleak my future is possibly looking now. Rather, I was more concerned about thinking on how should I break this latest news to my parents. The first day I heard the news from my doctor, I spent hours sitting by myself motionless, thinking how my family would react. And today, I can only thank Allah that they are taking it strongly, as optimistic as how i’m taking it myself.
I always tell myself, don’t waste my tears whining for the bad things that afflict me in life. Don’t cry for the trials and tribulations that my Creator has put me in, for I am merely a human being that often fails to comprehend the wisdom behind each of His plannings. I remind myself that no matter how difficult my life might be, there will always be other people out there in this world with worse circumstances, yet they remain patient over their predicament. So don’t cry, Afzal.
But I could not tell myself to stop crying when I witnessed the sacrifices that the people around me were willing to make just for my sake. To travel from far just for a brief encounter with yours truly, to donate their money when they themselves struggle financially, to treat me so dearly as if I am one of their blood-related family member when I am not. O Allah, forgive me for my tears but it touches my heart so profoundly when I see the true kindness of your creation.
One of the most emotional moment in my life, seeing so many people in the masjid to show their support
I may be able to pay back my loan of gold, but I will forever remain indebted to the kindness that all of you have shown to me. Jazakumullahu khayran katheera.
As of today, I am safely in my home in Sri Petaling, taking some time off recuperating from what was a hectic and tiring one week. I am generally well in myself, apart from feeling slightly tired and itching quite a lot (the itchiness is due to the cancer, it is one of the common symptoms in Hodgkin’s lymphoma). My left hand also feels numb and weaker compared to my right, as the nerves supplying to that area has been affected by the cancerous cells.
For everyone who has been dropping their comments in my blog, rest assured that I read each and every one of them. So does my mom. We take strength from all your kind words, advise and well wishes. I truly appreciate every support and prayers that have been shown to me, even though there are so many people out there whom I do not know personally. Having read all your comments and prayers, I will always tell myself that I can not afford to raise the white flag just yet, the battle is not over. I must not disappoint the people who have prayed for me all these while.
I know I will fall again and again, but I will always try to get up, no matter how hard it will be.
“...Don't despair of Allah's mercy, for it is the unbelievers alone who despair of His mercy.” [12:87]
Afzal, never ever lose hope with Allah’s Mercy!
p/s: A very touching video indeed. Terima kasih adik Ruzai.