Never Give In

It has been almost a week now since I returned to Malaysia. Adjusting into the hot weather of Malaysia seemed to have been slightly more difficult than what I've anticipated. I took almost 5 days just to get rid of the exhaustion and jet lag from my flight journey, and some of the things that I've planned for the first week had to be readjusted as I needed more time to rest.

Symptoms wise, I am quite troubled by the itchiness caused by the disease. It seemed to have got worse since I first experienced it about 2 weeks ago back in the UK. I couldn't help myself but scratch a lot, consequently creating multiple scratch marks all over my body, in particular my legs and hands. The anti-itchiness tablets provided by my doctor back in the UK only partially does its trick in easing the itchiness, and I am also quite reluctant to take it during the day as it makes me feel very sleepy due to its side-effects. Every now and again, my mom also took the initiative to apply some virgin coconut oil to my skin just to keep it moist and it does help a bit.

The numbness and weakness of my left hand has gradually worsen, but alhamdulillah I am still able to drive the car without too much hassle or do all my usual house chores. It is caused by the presence of cancer cells within the back of my neck, which also gives a nagging ache, one that I noticed often flares up during the day.

It is quite unpleasant having to live my days carrying such symptoms, but I am thankful to Allah that at least I am not bed-bound by it, still very much able to live as normal a life as anyone else, except that I have to learn to not push myself too much. Yes, it's true that I wish I can live pain free, but will I then not portray myself as an ungrateful servant of Him? I keep on reminding myself, just before I start to whine about my difficulties, that I am still blessed with sight and good hearing, among others. Whereas some people have to live most their life without eyes to see, ears to hear or legs to walk. So when I start to get upset that some of my symptoms are giving me troubles in my life, I am grateful for the other good things that I have.

Treatment wise, I am currently trying various alternative treatments suggested by a lot of people, be it my close friends as well as those who have dropped their comments on my blog. I take every suggestions on board, obviously they are quite a lot, but I will certainly try as much as possible within my capacity. I feel blessed that a lot of people care to take the hassle to offer their help and provide assistance to me, some of them having not seen me at all previously. This must be one of the rahmah (mercy) that has been endowed by our Creator, a sign of His Greatness. May Allah reward all of you for what you have done, and please do remember me in your prayers.

I shall be visiting Darus Syifa' in Bangi tomorrow morning with the hope that I can get to see Dato' Haron Din, insya Allah. I've been told by friends about the sheer number of people that will want to see him within that Tuesday morning, thus the need to turn up very early in the morning (as early as 3am) to get myself a ticket for an appointment to see him. Thank you to a dearest friend of mine, one I knew back in Sheffield, who had kindly offered me to stay in a hotel in Bangi tonight at no cost at all, so that I can turn up early at Darus Syifa tomorrow. My family and I truly appreciate your kindness, and we shall certainly remember you in our dua's.

Please do keep your support and prayers coming, you'll be surprised how much I take your support as a source of strength. The strength that I'll certainly need to keep me battling in this seemingly testing path of mine.

Bandar Baru Bangi,
08 February 2010.