Monday, 8 February 2010

Never Give In

It has been almost a week now since I returned to Malaysia. Adjusting into the hot weather of Malaysia seemed to have been slightly more difficult than what I've anticipated. I took almost 5 days just to get rid of the exhaustion and jet lag from my flight journey, and some of the things that I've planned for the first week had to be readjusted as I needed more time to rest.

Symptoms wise, I am quite troubled by the itchiness caused by the disease. It seemed to have got worse since I first experienced it about 2 weeks ago back in the UK. I couldn't help myself but scratch a lot, consequently creating multiple scratch marks all over my body, in particular my legs and hands. The anti-itchiness tablets provided by my doctor back in the UK only partially does its trick in easing the itchiness, and I am also quite reluctant to take it during the day as it makes me feel very sleepy due to its side-effects. Every now and again, my mom also took the initiative to apply some virgin coconut oil to my skin just to keep it moist and it does help a bit.

The numbness and weakness of my left hand has gradually worsen, but alhamdulillah I am still able to drive the car without too much hassle or do all my usual house chores. It is caused by the presence of cancer cells within the back of my neck, which also gives a nagging ache, one that I noticed often flares up during the day.

It is quite unpleasant having to live my days carrying such symptoms, but I am thankful to Allah that at least I am not bed-bound by it, still very much able to live as normal a life as anyone else, except that I have to learn to not push myself too much. Yes, it's true that I wish I can live pain free, but will I then not portray myself as an ungrateful servant of Him? I keep on reminding myself, just before I start to whine about my difficulties, that I am still blessed with sight and good hearing, among others. Whereas some people have to live most their life without eyes to see, ears to hear or legs to walk. So when I start to get upset that some of my symptoms are giving me troubles in my life, I am grateful for the other good things that I have.

Treatment wise, I am currently trying various alternative treatments suggested by a lot of people, be it my close friends as well as those who have dropped their comments on my blog. I take every suggestions on board, obviously they are quite a lot, but I will certainly try as much as possible within my capacity. I feel blessed that a lot of people care to take the hassle to offer their help and provide assistance to me, some of them having not seen me at all previously. This must be one of the rahmah (mercy) that has been endowed by our Creator, a sign of His Greatness. May Allah reward all of you for what you have done, and please do remember me in your prayers.

I shall be visiting Darus Syifa' in Bangi tomorrow morning with the hope that I can get to see Dato' Haron Din, insya Allah. I've been told by friends about the sheer number of people that will want to see him within that Tuesday morning, thus the need to turn up very early in the morning (as early as 3am) to get myself a ticket for an appointment to see him. Thank you to a dearest friend of mine, one I knew back in Sheffield, who had kindly offered me to stay in a hotel in Bangi tonight at no cost at all, so that I can turn up early at Darus Syifa tomorrow. My family and I truly appreciate your kindness, and we shall certainly remember you in our dua's.

Please do keep your support and prayers coming, you'll be surprised how much I take your support as a source of strength. The strength that I'll certainly need to keep me battling in this seemingly testing path of mine.

Bandar Baru Bangi,
08 February 2010.

51 comments:

zakwan87 said...

never give up mas.

Anonymous said...

Salam.
Dear Afzal, semasa di Darul Syifa nanti, cuba cari salah seorang pembantu Ustaz Harun Din, his name is Ustaz Arshad...dia banyak membantu akak semasa akak perlukan pertolongan dulu...sangat baik, even ustaz arshad will help u to get the ticket for next visit, insyaAllah...I lost his contact no, if not I would give it to u, dik...sorry..Good luck!

kak CT

adli hakim said...

dun ever give...setiap penyakit yang Allah swt turunkan mesti ade penawar kecuali maut... insyaAllah....sy hanya mampu mengutuskan doa

HangLiJo said...

give ur very best! don't quit!! semoga d permudahkan segala urusan..InsyaAllah~Amin~

syaz123 said...

semoga terus kuat Mas.semoga Allah permudah semuanya IAllah..

green said...

i know u can do it, just make it through...

n btw, welcome home.

Din said...

insyaAllah moga Allah permudahkan urusan enta. Berdoa dan berserahlah padaNya...

Mas Afzal said...

Well, we can only plan, but the ultimate end is in Allah's Hands.

I went out at 3am this morning to get a ticket, only to find out when I arrived in Darus Syifa that Dato' Haron Din's clinic will not operate this week and for the next 2 weeks.

Insya Allah, we'll look for some other options for the time being.

Mas Afzal

Anonymous said...

Salam

Pernah dapat satu amalan dari petikan ceramah dulu berbunyi .

"Laila ha ilallah , wahidul qahar"

Amal dibaca kedalam atau kepada air lalu diminum atau disapu keatas anggota yang sakit

Insyallah setiap kalam dalam mukjizat berupaya untuk menyembuhkan sakit

joegrimjow said...

hope hear good news form daru syifa

WanSah said...

Salam.. Mas, kalau tidak keberatan boleh tolong berikan contact number? - WanSah, Cardiff (0196226592. Skrang di Damansara...

tasha jasmin said...

"Kau yang menciptakan cinta
Dan Kau jua yang menghampar bahagia
Di ribaanMu terhimpun harapan
Impian tulus setiap insan

Kau yang mengutuskan duka
Dan Engkaulah yang mengirimkan hampa
Namun padaMu jua diadukan
Merabahkan keresahan dan tangisan

Aku tahu inilah kasihMu
Aku tahu inilah cintaMu
Dan ku tahu tiap yang terbaik untukku
Tak semuanya yang ku mahu

Di celah hangat nafas yang terhela
Ada dingin saat menyeru (menyebut) namaMu
Terarah segala ronta dan rasa
Pada damainya dakapanMu

Aku tahu inilah kasihMu
Aku tahu inilah cintaMu
Dan ku tahu di segenap ruang rasaku
Telah Kau titipkan kekuantan
Oh Tuhan "

:) dari kumpulan Mestica..
boleh download dari sini juga

http://www.4shared.com/file/35431299/425a2211/Segalanya_Milikmu.html?cau2=403tNull

semoga saudara mas terus diberikan kekuatan rohani dan jasmani oleh Allah swt, insyaAllah..

Anonymous said...

silent_reader finally said:

assalamualaikum mas, keep on sharing. though not all can be shared. i'm really amazed with your words. Allah showed me this blog when i was damnly down that time.

but after reading and going every sentence of your words awake me from despair.
I'm waiting for your entries..

Ayat paling xtahan--> Allah certainly has unique ways to show His love...(",)

~Sekian~

nadiah said...

Dear Mas,
Assalamualaikum. old enough to be your mother, I stumbled upon your blog while blog jumping one day, and found it to be very inspiring

Despair not, Mas. Allah says in Al mulk (67,2)that he created death and life to test us, siapa diantara kita yang paling baik amalannya. I think you are doing great, passing with flying colours. Cuma sometimes, in our eagerness to seek a cure, never, never let it come even for one moment to our head that so & so boleh mengubati, so and so ada penawarnya, kerana mereka adalah wasilahnya sahaja. Seek from Allah. Also remember al ankabut 1-7, bagaimana Allah says He will test us, but in verse 5, He reminds us that Dia maha mendengar, maha mengetahui.Mengadulah sentiasa pada Dia yang dalam genggaman Nya segala kekuasaan.
For all the discomforts, and the pain that you feel, try to detach yourself from what the body is feeling. I think another C survivor, Raden Galoh has done it very well-see her blog, one breast bouncing) I remember doing that when I underwent a surgery sometime back,(sort of me looking down at my physical body being kinda detached) and and it helps. I am sure you will feel itchy in the hot climate we have in Malaysia :(. Anyway, surrender to Allah's will, but don't give up. Will be praying for your well being.

shafarshahril said...

yes, never give up.
you're a true inspiration!

ajak said...

assalamualaikum masafzal

kuatkan semangat dan teruskan berusaha dengan apa jua cara kerana diakhirnya PENAWARNYA datang dari Yang Maha Esa.
With almost the same journey that I had, I keep telling myself there will always someone who are being tested harder than what I ve been through. Catatan Afzal sungguh menyentuh perasaan
Semoag Afzal terus tenang dan tabah.....

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum...
I watched a tv show last sunday.. Halal Bio... and they talked about cancer. One of the thing that I recall, they mentioned about vitamin B17 as well as blood electrification.

Never give up Afzal.. InsyaAllah..

Anonymous said...

waiting for your new post...

permudahkan lah mas afzal Ya Allah...

D said...

Trust Him, and the best will be yours.

Sid said...

had i known u were in bangi yesterday i wud've contacted u(i was practically lazying around at home doin nothing)...but nevertheless my prayers are with you bro

-sid-

=) said...

we'll keep the prayers coming, akhi.

Anonymous said...

ud'uka daaiman. hang in there. take care.

-notts

Atiq said...

salam,

every letter that you have inspire me, i am sure Allah will never forget to reward it multiply in jannah...

get well soon iA

ameen

Neo Rantissi said...

Salam 'alaik ya akhi, a friend of mine gave me ur blog's adress, and indeed, you're very inspiring! Your writings make me reflect back on my life, thinking about everything I've done, and most importantly, making me asking myself on how much I've played my role as Allah's servant.

Having experience of supporting my late little sister fighting cancer, I must say, I really admire your patience and positivity. Keep on fighting brother! May Allah bless you always and may Jannah become your final destination.

May Allah grant you the best of the best. Syafakallah ya akhi.

Akhuuka min Iskandariah, Misr.
Zainal

awis said...

u have a right to try but...honestly, alternatif is suck. close to liar. they cant prove. if they can cure, already won nobel prize...and everyone from over the world will come to see them. sorry to say dat but its true.you just need a miracle to cure it. like closing you eyes, imagine that things is gone. then, open your eyes..its really gone. this kind of miracle. teknology sekarang belum cukup maju lagi.

sabar bro. ingat Allah always. takut dengan Allah sahaja.

saya doakan yang terbaik n semoga tenang selalu.

if you have wish to tell or to do, do it fast before it too late.

for me u are lucky..you got dis why u r at twenty plus plus. dapat sekolah, sekolah menengah, masuk u..belajar medic kat uk lagi.

banyak lagi adik2 yang sakit kat wad. adik saya dah pergi 2 minggu lepas. baru 17 tahun. sakit lebih kurang. rawatan lebih kurang same. altenetif pon.

when doc said, re-lap...just wait for the time to come...n live life with fullest.

Anonymous said...

keep fighting mas!

Johanna said...

never give up mas! semua org mendoakan mas.. to keep yourself motivated, be surrounded by +ve people~ yg -ve jgn layan..

Dia tahu suka, duka, susah,senang yang dilalui oleh seorang Mas Afzal, Dia yang menjadikan sakitmu, dan Dia juga yg akan memberi penawarnya..Diturunkan al-Quran penawar segala penyakit..

kami mendoakan yang terbaik utk mas afzal..doa kpd Yang Maha Esa juga 1 alternative dan doa itu adalah senjata kita umat Islam.

Semoga dgn doa2 kita semua dapat memberi yang terbaik buat Mas Afzal, dipermudahkan segala urusan hariannya.

Semoga hati Mas Afzal terus teguh dengan doa2 kami bersamanya.

InsyaAllah..

Anonymous said...

Salam,
Can you give us your email add? I have a nice article to share-too big to paste on here.

Raden Galoh said...

salam Afzal...

sejak dikenalkan kepada blog ini..titipan doa utk Afzal tidak ketinggalan...

akak tahu Afzal belum menyerah kalah... selagi hayat ada dik, kita teruskan perjuangan ini ye... selagi mampu, selagi yakin, usahalah selagi iman dan aqidah bukan taruhan... mungkin ada yg jodoh atau serasi buatmu...

nanti akak kirimkan himpunan doa2 utk amalan..semoga Allah berikan kekuatan sebagai sandaran dan pautan...

apa yang kita ada? semua milik Allah... kita berdoa, usaha, ikhtiar jika belum jumpa yang berkesan dan tawakkal...

akak merasaimu dik.

kak Dalilah.

Kejernihanku said...

Salam..mas don't give up..try your best..Allah takkan menguji orang yang tak layak utk diuji..your are the choosen one..May Allah bless your forever my bro..good to hear your update..keep in touch k

arsaili said...

salam bro, we talked over the phone that day from australia, I can feel that you are very strong, keep it up. May Allah grant you shifa....dan permudahkan apa yg bro lalui

s@Idah....happiness said...

salam...even u r not physically so strong to be a doctor that u had dream ,but u can heal people soul with ur words.....with Allah permissioned.....thats amaze me.....Subhanallah

Anonymous said...

My Dear Mas,

Wishing you all the best ..don't give up. Seriously, you're a very special person who taught me a lot about inner strength.

IN-faz said...

salam...
sorg kwn mpekenalakn blog mas ni..
mmg tsentuh sy bc setiap n3 mas...
smg ALLAH bg ksabaran dan kekuatan pada mas...

syuhada said...

Assalamualaikum,

Semoga Mas Afzal terus dikekalkan dalam kesabaran. Syafakallah ya akhi.
Ramai di sini yang sayangkan akhi, ramai dan terus ramai yang akan mendoakan akhi.

Teruskan positif dengan yang positif. Allah SWT, yang Rahman lagi Rahim sangat menyintai akhi.. cintaNya sentiasa mendahului kasih sayang makhluk. Kesabaran akhi pasti berbalas. yakinlah.

Fahimi Wan Hamad said...

Too bad that I've read this post a little bit too late. If not, I'll be there at Darul Shifa' which is not very far from my house.

You're an inspiration friend.
To be able to withstand and be patient with the disease reflects someone strong. To be able to share it with others reflects someone stronger.

Keep hanging there and pray to Allah. I'm sure others will pray for you as well. Amalkan zikir/doa ni, insya allah, you'll find yourself at peace.

'La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka
inni kuntu mina dzalimin'
& 'hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakil'

My prayers with you always.

Thanks Azkari for suggesting this link!

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum,

Mas Afzal adalah anak Pahang..The only child of mine who was born in my hometown - Bentong. We were staying with my parents then (September, 1984) because my husband left for the USA to do his Masters. I was heavily carrying Afzal at that time (8 months) and obviously could not be accepted on board the plane. Me, n two other brothers of Afzal lived in Bentong n I would commute to my office in Kuala Lumpur by bus ( pagi2 bertolak jam 6 pagi dan petang sampai Bentong about 6 or 7pm). My late mother always worry that I'll give birth on the bus, so whenever I'm late coming home, she'll think I've delivered.

But alas, Afzal chose to be born in Bentong. I took him to US when he was 3 months old. I get to take care of him 100% for the first 2 years of his life. He is such a wonderful baby...manja giler sebab mama sentiasa ada..

Eversince coming home, Afzal has been trying hard to lead a normal life. I hear him sing around the house when he feels like it (he is very musical and he has a lovely voice!)He still whines when in pain or troubled by his itchiness. My family n I do our best to make him comfortable. I thank Allah for giving me the opportunity to be there for him.

Anyway, I want to thank all of you for writing in this blog. Afzal reads all your comments. I read all your comments. We draw strength and support knowing there are so many out there praying with us. Thank you again, for Afzal really is a very, very special person...mama Afzal.

SatuJutaIdea said...

Salam. Semoga Allah terus berikan kekuatan buat saudara utk terus berusaha merawat penyakit. Ini semua dugaan drpd Allah. Hadapinya dgn penuh ketakwaan, insyaallah, pasti ada hikmah besar yg menanti saudara kelak.

fusarium solani said...

Salam,

Mas Afzal (nama betul anda hampir serupa dengan 'nickname' saya).

Segala doa agar saudara segera sembuh, insyaallah dalam setiap usai solat dihimpunkan.

Bertabahlah. Ujian Allah SWT beri untuk menambah keimanan hambaNya. :)

Anonymous said...

Salam,

hidup mati itu adalah ketetapan ALLAH. yang penting ialah sentiasa mendoakan agar nyawa yang masih diberi pinjam ini diberkati ALLAH hingga akhirnya .... dan dapat memberi manfaat kepada insan lain

yang masih sihat masih belum boleh memberikan jaminan dia akan hidup pada esok hari,
kerana itu, sama ada masih sihat atau diuji dengan kesakitan berdoalah ALLAH menetapkan hati pada agama ALLAH, ketaatan dan keimanan padaNYA

salam mujahadah buat saudara ana dalam Islam

Nadiah said...

Teruskan berjuang; yakinlah dgn janji Allah krn janji Allah itu pasti=setiap penyakit ada ubatnya.

moga terus tabah dlm kehidupan. Rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir.

Maybe you can watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB71vFTYWsM

ajeem_hazim said...

Teruskan perjuangan dlm menghadapi dugaan Allah Taala...

wan adnan said...

Assalamualaikum wrb Mas,

Some humble suggestions,

There is herbal oncology treatment at hospital Kepala Batas as part of complimentary treatment head by Prof Zhao from China.

Ca Care in Penang. www.cacare.com use similar approach and headed by prof(retired) Chris Teo, Professor of Botany.(it had some success story in the website)

Should look and consider.

May Allah bless you.

WAN

Al Fakir Abu 'Ammar said...

Salam Mas Afzal

I came to know your situation and blog update from a friend in Australia through facebook. She asked me to give you a visit and I will insyaalah.

Meanwhile, if you are able to review this interesting book that might give some options and improvement efforts for your current condition.

Peptide Immunotheraphy Colostrum - A Physician Reference Guide by Andrew M Keech, PhD

Take care.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu'alaikum wbt

Dear Mas Afzal, Mama Afzal, & family.

Everyones here is adoring you and saying you are indeed an inspiration, a motivation and what not, including me. Hakikatnya, kita je yg tahu sejauh mana kekuatan diri kita kan. Its ok to cry, as long as we know how and when to rise again. Take your time. What lies in front is certainly beyond our knowledge. Just embrace today with tawakkal tu 'alaAllah. With His will, ANYTHING can happen.

With Mom and family by your side now, I believe it is at least some kind of the effective pain relief you cannot get elsewhere.

You are in our du'a Mas Afzal. Take care!

Iman Aisyah said...

Salam..
1st time reading this blog, i've read all the entries in this page..

Mas Afzal is a very strong person!

His mama also is a very strong person!

I did cry when i watched the video.."secebis kenangan"..
afzal after the chemo,the side effect after the chemotherapy is a lot..be strong..insyaAllah i will pray for afzal and the family..

May Allah blessing always be with afzal n family..Allah swt sayangkan afzal..ujian yang sebegini hanya diberikan kepada hamba-Nya yang kuat..

Syafakallah..

aryssa said...

i'm not gonna say to you to be strong....sometimes we just need to crush the brick wall...but just bear with it ok...ujian Allah Mas...
sy doakn mne y sy mampu insyaAllah...

Mohammed Shahed said...

Dear Brother,

Can you log on to the website: www.watercure2.com and read everything in there. Who know Allah may open up something from some corner that you least expected.

Mohammed Shahed said...

Mohammed Shahed said...
Dear Brother,

I am an Indian, working in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. I shall Insha Allah do an Umrah next Friday on your behalf.

Please pray for all the Ummah. Your prayers are very precious to Allah (SWT)and hope for all of us.

Keep thanking Allah (SWT) for all the blessings he has bestowed on you till you have the strength left on you no matter what may come to you.

fatiN said...

Bismillah..
Assalamualaikum..

terima kaseh for all those words..
bear with the fight
for He'll forever be with you..
had a post for your fight.
fatiyne.blogspot.com

Jazakillah..

Mohammed Shahed said...

Dear Brother,

I did Umrah on your bahalf today and prayed Allah(SWT)to give you strength, peace and inspiration.

May Allah bless you and give you peace.