Thursday, 17 June 2010

To hope and pray

Alhamdulillah, the PET scan I underwent last Tuesday went well. The routine was pretty much similar to the ones I had back in Sheffield, except that I was being kept in the waiting room for almost an hour post-scan. I played that down to the fact that I was 'radioactively positive' and thus the need to be separated from the public for a while, in particular from pregnant women and babies. Whereas in Sheffield, I was allowed to be discharged right after the scan finishes. They only reminded me to avoid being in close contact with the two aforementioned group of people, and not to return home using the public transportation, ie bus.

Mom took a day off work, accompanying me to the hospital. She didn't have to do much, well, she couldn't even be next to me during the scan for obvious reasons, but her presence was enough to bring a calming influence in me. Things were obviously different when I was under treatment back in the UK. I obviously couldn't expect my friends to be around all the time whenever I'm in the hospital, and therefore there were many occasions when I had to face things all by myself.

That's what families are for. Through the thick and thin, you can bet your money on them putting their hands around your shoulder, always being there for you.

“When you look at your life the greatest happiness are family happinesses”

Nevertheless, there is something good about the healthcare system in the UK that I'm already starting to miss sorely here in Malaysia. Back in England, the National Heath Service (NHS) bears the full cost of my treatment. Be it the chemotherapies, the numerous PET and CT scans I had, and the countless days I spent in the hospital. Everything comes FREE of CHARGE. It's difficult to imagine how would I cope financially had the NHS not bear the full cost of my treatment, which in total must have been at least thousands of pound sterlings, if not more.

However, things are different here. Although the government still subsidizes a portion of the cost of treatment, most of it will have to be borne by the patients themselves. It's not too bad if one works as a government servant as they can then waive off the cost of treatment using their respective Guarantee Letter (GL). As for myself, I can't use my mom's GL due to my age. As far as I understood it, one is allowed to use his/her GL to cover the treatment cost of his/her parents or his/her children who are under the age of 21 (if I'm not mistaken).

Doctors working in public hospitals in Malaysia also have their respective GLs. Thus, the staff in the hospital was rather surprised when I told her that I wanted to pay for the PET scan.

"Doktor tak ada GL ke? Mahal juga nak bayar scan ni." [Don't you have a GL, doctor? This scan is quite expensive.]

"Saya tak kerja lagi cik. Jadi saya takde GL." [I haven't started work yet, thus I don;t have my own GL.]

I am still currently jobless for two reasons. Health reason is obviously one of it, although I believe that if given some leniency in my working hours and workload, I could still possibly serve the people. The second reason, however, is slightly beyond my control. The Malaysian Medical Council (MMC), have informed me that they will only grant me the license to practice once I show my updated medical reports and can prove that I am fit to work.

A lot of people have been asking whether I have started work. I wish I could say yes, but the circumstances are slightly difficult. It's not like I'm dying to start work, as obviously my health is the main priority at the moment. But I guess that's what happens when people kept on asking the same question again and again; "Mas dah start kerja ke?" [Have you started work, Mas?]

Now and again, on Facebook, I read posts by my fellow colleagues who shared their experiences at work, seeing patients, performing procedures, being told off by their seniors, etc. Or news about my juniors who have passed their finals, and have started talking about which hospital they would want to work in. Part of me is happy for all the good news of my dearest friends (or sympathizes for the bad days of the doctors I know personally), but the other half also wishes I could experience them myself.

Sweet memories of my graduation. July 2009, Sheffield.

But I know I need to get rid of such feelings, as it only makes me a very ungrateful servant of Allah. Have I forgotten, that by not working just yet, Allah has given more time for my body to get the rest it deserves? And that I get to spend more time with my family after being away for 6 years? And that it is possible that should I start work, the stress of my job will only exacerbate my condition?

All I can do now, is to keep praying to Allah, that He grants me cure from the disease if that is what He has planned for me. And difficult it might be, I just have to push myself to keep reading my medical textbooks, so as to prevent my knowledge from rusting. I am not going to give the time and space for myself to sit purposeless, wondering when will the time come when I will get to don the white coat again.

The results of my PET scan should be up in a week's time. Let's hope and pray that better things are to come. I'm quite eager to know the current state of my disease since the last time I underwent a PET scan, about 6 months ago. Wondering if the alternative treatments and my diet changes have provided positive responses or not.

O Allah, to You alone I seek help, and I leave all matters to none other but You!


Afham said...

Salam Bro Mas.

Tabah yer. InsyaALLAH result PET scan akan baik2 punyer :)

Afham Dublin

ieja_abu said...

hope to hear good thing on your PET scan result soon!insyaAllah.

terus tabah,Bro Afzal;)

rgds: Mas Aliza

Johanna said...

salam mas,

perancangan Dia adalah yg terbaik dan tak pernah salah.. mendoakan segala yang terbaik utk awak dan keluarga.


p/s : i like this new template!

Khairunnisa' said...

Assalamualaikum wbt.,

Good luck with the treatment. Insha'Allah, you'll always be in my prayer :)

Allah SWT yang memberi penyakit kepada hamba-Nya dan Dia juga mempunyai kuasa untuk memulihkan hamba-Nya, insha'Allah. Stay strong :)

rhapsody LiN said...

smoga PET scan tu makin baik :)

my treatment for lupus pn stakat ni pkai my mom's GL. im 20. by next yr, i have to pay all the medication.

but, He had planned the best for me. kebetulan lin student maktab perguruan(teacher's trainee college). even kami masih pelajar but we're consider as government servant already. so, boleh guna surat dari maktab utk rawatan free.
syukur. :)

Mohd Shahnom Ismail said...

Salam alaikum..

Bos, you can take my fats
It growing rapidly like a disease :)

Last Tuesday, i took last the bus to Johor from Bukit Jalil.
Fikir macam mahu pow rumah bos, tapi takut ganggu orang tidur :)

Semoga Allah kurniakan boss segala yang terbaik


STargAzeR said...

salam mas,
everytime i feel like life is difficult, one of the things i go back to is your blog.. it always always remind me that He is always with me and won't burden me with more than i can take..

you are a strong man Mas.. i sincerely pray that whatever you pray for yourself will be granted by Him.. i wish i would have heard more about you under different circumstances.. but i am honored to have "known" you now.. God bless you dear Mas..

Mas Afzal Masarudin said...

@Afham - Syukran akhi, moga begitulah dengan izin Allah.

@Mas Aliza - Same here, my friend! Sama-sama kita doa yer.

@Johanna - Kita merancang, Allah jua merancang. In the end, his plannings are indeed the best. And we need to teach our heart to be content with whatever plannings He has decided upon us.

@Khairunnisa' - Barakallahu fiik ukhti! We leave all matters to Him!

Mas Afzal Masarudin said...

@Lin - You're lucky indeed Lin, best jugak jadi cikgu nih! =) Are you still taking medications untuk your condition?

@Shahnom - I'm disappointed to know u didn't call me when you were there akhi. Kalau tak boleh juga nak claim ole2 dari Sheffield. ;)

@Stargazer - Same here, my friend. There's always people out there with tougher lives than us, thus the need for us to always be thankful for what we have.

I believe you're currently studying in Newcastle? I guess I have some close friends there who can share a thing or two about me other than about my condition. Go n find them =)

shahrir said...

Terus Berusaha, Mas....I.Allah ada jalan penyelesaian..

Anonymous said...

salam mas,

regarding to my question psl keje kat previous entry tu..

mintak maaf sangat2 kalo ianya agak sensitive coz I read kat ur fb some people said soalan mcm tu x perlu di tanya..

just nak clarify bcoz i read somewhere in ur fb gak kalo x salah , mas ckp "sejak bergelumang dlm dunia pesakit kembali.." ~ so, i thought mas dah keje blk..

i am aware awak sempat keje kejap kat UK dulu and psl MMC punya pengiktirafan tu..

i suppose to send u private msg if nak tanya soalan camni..

sorry for my ignorance and will keep praying the best for u..



Wahidah said...

sama2la kiter berdoa mas...

agree..masa yg family luangkan utk kita adalah yg terbaik..susah sng family is alwiz right beside u..n ur frenz also..:)

iman said...

subhanallah Bro Mas...Your post teach me a lot of things...iAllah bro..iAllah...He knows best whatever he had decided for us..even sometimes its hard to at first think about it that way..and even sometime we(pronounce:I ) do question and ask for why it happen that way and what he actually plan for me?

thanks for the post and all the best for you bro.Lets pray!

Pn Radhiyatul Mardhiah said...

salam your new template

really hope your PET scan will show good results..will perform solat hajat for you tonight, insyaAllah

wish you all the health in the world so you can give back health to the community

b i n t a n g said...


InshaAllah. Saya mendoakan yang terbaik untuk sdra.

Perancangan DIA yang terbaik & paling cantik, inshaAllah :)

STargAzeR said...

yes i am currently studying in Newcastle :) so who are these close friends of yours?? but if they are our age i'm guessing they have long graduated.

sarah said...

Hopefully you will get the good news soon. Dont never ever give up to keep praying. InsyaAllah, He has beautiful planing for you.

p/s: I agree with the bad days that you mentioned earlier, huhu. well, that's we call 'Doctor's Life'. hehehe.:) Get well soon and I think you will become a good doctor, InsyaAllah soon. keep improving yourself, huu(reminder for me too)

Mas Afzal Masarudin said...

@Shahrir - Insya Allah, moga ketemu jalan penyelesaiannya.

@Johanna - You don't have to say sorry at all my friend! I was certainly referring to someone else and not u. =)

@Wahidah - Maka janganlah kawan diluar disusukan, tp famili dirumah mati tak makan =)

@Iman - That shows how limited the ability of a human being as compared to our Rabb. A lot of times we will struggle to comprehend some of His plannings but we need to believe that everything He has decreed must have its reasons.

Mas Afzal Masarudin said...

@Pn Radhiyatul - SubhanAllah, thank you so much Puan! May Allah reward you!

@Stargazer - Kenal Nik Madihah, Lailatul ema? Well they are obviously not close friends but I'm sure they can tell you a thing or two. Both are my juniors masa buat A-Level dulu.

@Sarah - I hope you'll turn out to be a great one too! =)

Anonymous said...

Salam. May Allah bless u. Be strong and don't give up. All the best and take care :)

ajak said...

semoga semua yang baik2 untuk mas...