Monday, 8 March 2010

Making decisions in life...

In life, it is inevitable that you need to make decisions. Even children have to make decisions. I remembered when I was at a tender age of 8 years old, I made a decision I will always remember and cherish in my life. I was at school, in my class, and it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon. My tummy suddenly felt really uncomfortable and I had this sudden urge to open my bowels.

That was when I had to make a decision; should I try using the school toilet, famous among each and everyone of us for all the wrong reasons, or make the trip back home? It didn't take me long to decide though, for I knew I will not be able to bear the sight and smell of my school toilet. It was then that I decided that I'm going to skip school today, and make the walk back home.

Yes, WALK. I actually walked back home, which was at least 10 kilometers away. The journey took me a few hours, and funnily, when I reached home, I was so tired that I wasn't bothered to visit the toilet but rather went straight to bed for a nap!





But obviously, as you grow older and carry more responsibility in life, you are bound to make more decisions. And they are not just decision on tiny matters, but sometimes things that are really important and can have significant effects on your life. As one used to say, "We have no simple problems or easy decisions after kindergarten".

Making decision about your career path. Or whether she is the right person to be your partner in life. Or deciding on what treatment is best for your condition.



“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”


I personally have my fair share of decision-making in life. Some of which I felt were the right decisions, but there were also some of which I knew were wrong. But more importantly, none of which I regretted making, as it was these decisions I made in the past that have shaped me into who I am now.

When I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma Stage 3 in my final year as a medical student, I decided against taking time off from my studies. Alhamdulillah, today, after more than a year from when I made that decision, I am proudly the first doctor in my family.

When my cancer relapsed for the first time back in July 2009, my family and I decided that it was best to continue treatment in the UK rather than returning home to Malaysia. We felt that the treatment in the UK was better, and there was nothing to be worried of cost-wise, as all expenses were covered by the NHS. However, we plan, but Allah also has His plannings. The treatment failed and my cancer relapsed for the second time back in January 2010.

Now, as I am safely back home in Malaysia, I again had to make an important decision in my life. Shall I continue with the suggested chemotherapy / radiotherapy treatments offered by the hospitals, or seek for alternative remedies?

Having discussed with my doctors in Pusat Perubatan UKM (PPUKM) about the pros and cons of further chemotherapy / radiotherapy in my case, weighing other options that are available for me, as well as doing plenty of istikharah, I then made my decision. I decided to put any further chemotherapy / radiotherapy on hold, and started on alternative medications.

It's obviously not easy to make a decision, what more when you know it relates to you own life. Have I made the right choice, will I regret my decision? Whatever the outcome is, I believe I have made the decision I feel is right and probably best for me. And that, is sufficient enough. Remember what they say about making a decision?


"You don't make decisions because they are easy; you don't make them because they are cheap; you don't make them because they're popular; you make them because they're right.


And as Muslims, never ever forget, that with every effort and decision making, put our trust to Allah. Tawakkal. In the end, it is Him that grants cure to every disease, and it is Him that gives life, and it is Him that takes it away.


فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ

Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah,

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ

certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him). [Ali-'Imran:159]


I don't intend to list down the alternative medications I'm taking as I feel it is improper to reveal them when they are not yet proven to cure my disease. However, let's just say that alhamdulillah, by the will of Allah, there have been some positive improvements in myself. Although the itchiness seems to still be my main problem, the numbness and weakness on my left hand has certainly improved tremendously. The pain on the back of my neck has certainly ease off, and my energy levels are definitely improving.

But obviously, the journey is still far. Insya Allah, with the prayers of friends and families, I will keep on threading this rough path, with the hope that I will reap its benefits by the end of it.

Insha Allah, we'll find the way.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Alhamdulillah.

"certainly Allah loves those whose put their trust in Him".

May this tests make you stronger. May Allah give the best for you.

NORAIN said...

Insyaallah...
Semoga sentiasa dalam rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah..

Anonymous said...

Alhamdulillah~ Glad to hear the +ve improvement on urself!

arsaili said...

Alhamdulilah, may Allah grant you shifaa...

Anonymous said...

Alhamdulillah..
Glad to hear the improvement of your health
Don't stop praying, as we won't stop to pray for U too
Try both - modern and alternative treatment
Recite Quran, as it is the best syifaa for us


-mommy of three

joegrimjow said...

glad that we have istiharah
ask God bless in making our decision
that is the best decision!

zacharias said...

Go Johnny go go go...

Semoga Allah menyembuhkan anda..

Raden Galoh said...

salam akhii...

afzal sentiasa di dlm doa akak... alhamdulillah dgn perkembangan yang baik ini...

stay strong!

Iman said...

Alhamdulillah for the news.iAllah, as u put ur trust on Allah in making the decision, you will not regret it later.

Agreeing with brother abouut the choices in life. as we grew up more choices need to be made and each of them are not an easy one anymore.We will be responsibled in every choices we made too.

stay strong! :)

Mohd Shahnom Ismail said...

InsyaAllah that will be the best decision ever :)
We always remember you in our prayers ....

Ibn Abd Rahim said...

Alhamdulillah. Glad to hear that you are improving. There is still some light at the end of tunnel...

Anonymous said...

InshaAllah you'll find your way..life is not easy as it is a battle.. nevertheless, life is so precious as it is what Allah give us..
Thank u for ur encouraging words..(^-^)..
me who is in problems now..Do pray for all of us.take care!!

atiq said...

Allah will be with you.. Amin ya rab...

ummuNaim said...

moga cepat sembuh..amiiiiiinnnn

muhammadthoriq said...

Alhamdulillah, glad that your condition will improve better from now on.Hope to see you soon.

yatibahar said...

Good decision for choosing alternative, Afzal! Too much of modern medication will not do good to our body as the cancer cells are immune to it already. Let's surprise them with alternative huh :-) You'll get thru' this, insya'Allah...

Anonymous said...

semoga tidak bosan berdoa dan berusaha..insyaallah afzal..DIA Maha Tahu segala yang terbaik buat hambaNYA..

Semoga kami mampu menjadi setabah afzal dalam mengharungi hidup ini..

Senyum lah pada NIKMAT.. dan senyum lah juga pada MUSIBAH.. kerana diantara keduanya terdapat berjuta HIKMAH yang tak terlihat dek mata kita sebagai khalifah yang hina dina..

Ya Allah..Permudahkan segala urusan hamba-hambaMU

Nurul Farhana said...

indeed we still have a long journey to go..may Allah guide us along the way..

Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan Dr.

JeP said...

Much as yourself, I also share some fair decision making in life. Throughout those choices I realise that making decisions are part and parcel of life, as much as tawakkal is our doa's grace.

Good to hear on your improved state, though the journey is still far but don't forget to seek solace in God's respite.

:D

zatil hidayah said...

Good luck, Allah bless u. Have faith on Him okay. Will pray for u. :))

Anonymous said...

Dear Afzal,

Syukur Alhamdulillah upon the positive progress. You ARE in our prayer, always. Rain or shine, may you go stronger and stronger each day to battle through the journey. Yup, life is always about making decisions. Teringat The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost in our SPM Syllabus :D

Anonymous said...

pls share your alternative medications.

Mas Afzal said...

Dear anonymous,

Maybe it's more appropriate that I share them via personal email? Can I have your email address? My email address is anakbentong[at]yahoo.co.uk

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Gambatte!!

Anonymous said...

Alhamdulillah... good to know that. Pak teh kata masa awak balik rumah nak ***** tu, badan awak versi yang sangat lain dari sekarang kan? Ha ha!!

mak teh.

aisha said...

Dear Mas Afzal,
I've been reading your blog for quite sometime now. It's good to know that u're getting better. I just want to say thank you so much. As I read line by line, your words touch my heart, make me realize some litle things I always forget. And so I hope in the future insyaAllah.. you regain your health. InsyaAllah. Thanks again.

chat said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ieja_abu said...

i'd love all the words in it!:)
n copy some to, for my FB status.hope u don't mind:)